Passion & Purpose

For as long as I can remember I have been quite chubby -_-. As hard as it is for me to say this, it’s true. I struggle with my weight. It literally goes up & down. I remember being a child size 12 and then shooting up to a size 14, 15, 16 and a size 17. Somewhere I left 17 and went to a size 18; now I am solid 18/20.  (Hysterical)  Your probably wondering why I laugh, I’m comfortable with it now.  I am comfortable with my size but I do not want to lose weight. It’s not okay to be overweight, it’s super hard not being able to find the perfect jeans that fit, the perfect dress or shoe. Your probably can agree if you have wide feet. It’s hard being different let alone plus size in a size 2 imperfect world. It’s the beauty of ugliness because everyone has something imperfect that they feel about themselves.  God sees our Imperfectness as beautiful. To help cope in a time with my insecurities I resulted to modeling.  I loved the idea of being lusted af...

There used to be a time in my life when I let people’s opinions of me   CONTROL ME . It mattered so much to where it ruled and controlled my life. :( It mattered what people thought of me, who liked me and if they truly cared. WOW, I can hear my mother telling me, "Why do you care?", "Why does it bother you?" She would always tell me, "Who cares!" A lot of this stemmed from past experiences and being teased, picked on and bullied.... and personal relationships. My temper controlled me and controls me. I am learning to teach myself to calm down! LOL, what exactly is calming down? Having wisdom and knowledge enough to think before I speak, this is easier said than done. When we are argumentative it drives people away. I scarred people. I was quick enough to jump down someone’s throat without asking. I hated when someone teased me or had something to say about me. Afterwards, I didn’t even feel an ounce of guilt. I never even thought about the guilt ...

 submissive  ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive. Here it is. 26, single and trying to date under Gods will.  Honestly, I have never really dated under Gods will so its a new challenge especially when you hear God tell you to set boundaries within your relationship. Even if you guys are just "Friends," or "dating!" trust me, set boundaries ! It is as easy to fall into temptation as 1...2...3...  The enemy will try your life. Especially if you are not submissive to Christ or surrending your sexual appetitite to him. I had to be reminded that Sexual intimacy is between husband and wife and God designed it as such. How do you show affection without being sexual in this day and time.... its easy, pray and ask God to show you.  Affection is more than just being touchy feely. It is a simple small gesture. (hand holding, or a quick hug) it sounds silly but it is so true. Its sad but thats the beauty of Learning...