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Body image and my struggle. RANT #3



For as long as I can remember I have been quite chubby -_-. As hard as it is for me to say this, it’s true. I struggle with my weight. It literally goes up & down. I remember being a child size 12 and then shooting up to a size 14, 15, 16 and a size 17. Somewhere I left 17 and went to a size 18; now I am solid 18/20.  (Hysterical)  Your probably wondering why I laugh, I’m comfortable with it now.  I am comfortable with my size but I do not want to lose weight. It’s not okay to be overweight, it’s super hard not being able to find the perfect jeans that fit, the perfect dress or shoe. Your probably can agree if you have wide feet. It’s hard being different let alone plus size in a size 2 imperfect world. It’s the beauty of ugliness because everyone has something imperfect that they feel about themselves.  God sees our Imperfectness as beautiful.

To help cope in a time with my insecurities I resulted to modeling.  I loved the idea of being lusted after and the comments and likes I received. I loved the thrill and the attention that I received. I loved it! I craved the attention and that was because I didn’t love myself. I didn’t love myself how God loves me, especially how he saw me. The way God sees you is very important. He calls us beautiful. He made me and the man that he has for me will love me as such. Before marriage I have to love myself and love myself and respect myself how God sees me; before I submit to my husband under God.

If you are struggling with your weight know this, God is struggling with you. I am not alone. You are not alone. Do you feel alone?

KJV Psalm 91:1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the almighty. 

 How cool is that? God abides in us and with us. The Holy Spirit lives in us refreshing us and making us a new. It’s never too late to stop struggling, stop binge eating, stop overeating and stop when you are sad eating. God is telling you to stop and be free. Take the lords hand and escape with him to a resting place of peace. Don’t be ashamed and don’t worry.

I hope this post blessed you tonight. If you would like to talk comment below or email me. If you would like a prayer email me.

Love you, Malika Qadir
(Say this prayer with me)

Dear heavenly father,
I come to you lord in peace. See my heart lord for what it is at this very moment, imperfect, broken and alone from friends and family and burdened.  Take me as yours Lord, claim me. You know my faults; you seek my face, my heart and my love. You seek me God open my heart Lord and allow me to seek you. Allow me to cope and accept rejection. Allow me to accept with being myself and content with being loved by you and only you. Thank you for your friendship and your guidance. Teach me to love you and worship you. To love you just like how you love me. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross for my sins and atonement.

In Jesus name I pray amen.


Thank you Yahweh, Yeshua and Ruach ha Kodesh 



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